Hello my dear readers,
Once again, I am writing to you giving you a little insight into my world. As most of you already know, I am a former Jehovah’s witness, who’s been out of the cult for nearly three years.
During this time, I’ve managed to move on with my life and rebuild a new one, but of course, it’s come with a great deal of difficulties. This is exactly what I want to share with you today.
Right after I left the religion, I was faced with a horrible crisis.. Identity Crisis. I remember the days following the disfellowshipping were horrible, even remembering hurts. However, I had to go through it alone. Why was it so bad?
Most people at some point in their lives go through this Identity crisis and for most is very mild, UNLESS… you experience a traumatic event, which is what I experienced.
As soon as I was DF (disfellowshipped) I lost all contact with the world I knew. My mom and brother stopped talking to me, my so called friends, no longer called me ever again and I was terribly scared of the world outside.
I remember sitting in my apartment all alone being just afraid to step a foot outside my apartment thinking someone might kill, since I had lost God’s approval I had no protection anymore.
Oh boy, was I in a bad place in life? …
I was so confused and lost with my thoughts, I didn’t know what I wanted to do or where to go, what to study, I had just NO CLUE! Every day was a challenge because I didn’t know what to expect, all I knew was no matter what happened, I was still alone at the end of the day.
Talk about been scared of loneliness, even if I was afraid I had to “men up” and chin up continue.
and… that is is exactly what I did! I decided that this “tragedy” wasn’t going to dictate my life, instead I was going to start making better choices and educated ones.
I took the time to fall in love with myself again and take care of my emotional and mental state. I gave myself the time to rediscover my inner most deepest thoughts and desires. All on MY terms…
I had no one coming thought to question my motives, decisions and personal choices. It was all about me! I know it may sound selfish, but that is exactly what I needed since I had spent a life time pleasing others and not me.
I didn’t even know how to take care of myself until I dedicated the time I so desperately needed.
Having everyone around shun me, was also a blessing in disguise, because I was not pushed around or manipulated spiritually to do what my family, the bothers or Jehovah wanted. I, for once was alone with my thoughts …
This recovery took almost a year, it wasn’t easy by any means, but it was so worth it.
I rediscover myself and realized I wanted to form my own family.
Not long after wanting it badly, the universe conspired to give it to me, and I met my husband.
We married and later had our beautiful baby girl. I had finally made my family…
I know it’s a small one, for now, but it’s mine!
I look into my daughter’s eyes and know I will never turn my back on her, no matter what. She is so precious to me because on top of making a mother, which is a privilege alone, she gave me back my life. She pushed me to move forward and took look at my future with positivity.
There is so much more I could write, but I think this will do for today…
I don’t want to get you guys bored.. hehe😊
Thank you for tuning in.
Until next time