Again, this is one of the hardest topics to touch and today is exactly the topic I would like to discuss. Didn’t I tell you that my mind is random and that every day it would be a different topic yet, today’s is a sensitive one, however is one that is not talked about enough.
Have you ever created something with a lot of precious time, it took you dedication and sacrifice, took you love and money, and was the one thing that you focused for so long and after all that time and sacrifice and dedication you put into, you saw it fall apart in front of your eyes and couldn’t stop it. It melted in your hands and faded into the air with absolutely nothing you could do… how would you feel?
That resumes what a divorce feels like.. whoever’s been through it knows that is extremely painful and guilt tripping.. You doubt your decisions and blame yourself for the failure of the marriage. Sometimes the divorce was inevitable and ultimately the best decision for everyone.. even for the children at times, but your mind refuses to accept a failure of that magnitud
In my case, in both marriages I gave what I could while I was married, but even with my efforts, I saw the marriage fall apart. It wasn’t about commitment or understanding, I knew the people i was with, did both, but it was about the most important piece, that without, the marriage, didn’t stand a chance, and that was love. It is sad to say, that both of my marriages didn’t carry the most important and main piece of all, the love for one another. When i understood that without love, we were not going to be able to past the thunderstorms of life, that’s when I knew in my heart “this won’t last”.
And…sadly, I was right…
What to do if you do love each other, but still see your marriage falling apart?
First I would try to analize my marriage with a neutral eye and not with my heart. Sometimes the heart can deceive what’s in front of us. Needless to say, be honest with yourself, and look around you, Is there anything that can be solvable? Is your partner willing to sacrifice and commit to you fully? Is He willing to talk about the problems with a neutral eye as well and come to an agreement? Does he care enough? What is the rupture to begin with? For example, not understanding each other, fighting too frequently, insulting one another, are things that although are completely unacceptable and inappropriate in a marriage, can be fixed. However, unfaithfulness, lies, cheating, are bigger issues that only the victim can see if they are willing to continue with someone like that.
Once you have assessed the situation, and the reasons why you want to divorce or at least separate, come and talk to your partner, see where he or she stands, but do it with an open mind, no judgment, nor pre-conceived ideas, speak calmly and even if it’s hard to keep your temper under control, do it, your partner will notice.
If talking and trying to come to a middle ground is impossible and the divorce is irreversibly broken, then, what to do?
Your best friend will be … time..
The best thing you have at hand is time, throughout my life, the one thing that helped me each and every time I went through something rough, time was my medicine. Time helps you see things, differently, or accept your new life.. time is the key to overcoming any major hardships. Time allows you to slowly explore yourself again, to heal and to feel once more. Give yourself that time to mourn your loss, and to push forward. Eventually, it gets much easier and you’ll enter your new routine, your new life, perhaps new friends, and slowly but steady, you’ll be up and going emotionally again. Just remind yourself, you are doing it, for the benefit of all, for yours, your children if any, and your ex-partner. That although is the toughest decision, you know is the best one! Be proud of yourself for doing something, that most won’t even come near out of fear, or for what people will say..
This makes you unique, and a very strong individual! Remember, many other people like you has been through it as well and let me tell you, the grass IS greener on the other side, so try to pull through 🙂